The Waiting Game

Being in your twenties can often seem like an endless waiting game. Waiting for the right job, for the right relationship, for that Uber ride when you’re leaving the bar a few too many drinks later. We’re all just waiting for our “real” lives to start, but the trouble is, this is part of real life. It’s sort of a catch twenty-two though, or at least it feels that way. We want enjoy what we have now, but we also want to have it all figured out. It’s hard though because we can’t seem to move forward until we get that job or that apartment or whatever it is that we’re waiting for, making the now that much less enticing to us.

For me, being out of school, there’s not much to focus on between temp jobs. I have far too much time on my hands and I’m filled with thoughts of the future, what I want it to look like, what it could look like. People always say to live in the present, and I completely agree that this is the best way to live, but sometimes the present isn’t what we want for ourselves and we can’t help but day dream about a better future. The only thing I know for sure is that all I can do is work towards that future. Although it’s a giant waiting game right now, one day it won’t be and when that day comes I know it will be a direct result of my current efforts.

One of the only comforts I have is knowing that most college graduates have this problem after graduation, because it is just such a competitive job market right now, especially for creative types. I’ve talked to so many people about this and they all say it just takes time and eventually it will happen. There’s no changing the facts of the waiting game, all you can do is enjoy the good things you do have while waiting for what you really want. It’s not the most fun part about being in your twenties, but not all parts of life can be fun, and that’s okay.

Eventually is one of my least favorite words currently, but unfortunately it is the only thing that gives me hope for the future. Eventually there will be the right job, the right person, the right moment. We just have to believe that it will get better, things always happen in waves, and right now the tide is low. Nothing is ever all bad though, there is good in every day, we just have to find it and hold onto it in the mean time while we continuously play the waiting game.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

I’ve learned recently that nothing can last forever, and unfortunately I had to learn this the hard way. About two weeks ago, I crashed my first car on the 118 coming home from work. Luckily I was the only one involved in the accident and even luckier, after spinning out from one side of the freeway to the other and hitting the railing, I was unharmed. My car however did not have the same luck; it was totaled.

After assessing that I was alright, I forgot for a little bit to be grateful for my health and was just devastated by the loss of my first car. Now I know that everyone has to lose their first car at some point, but I never thought mine would be after only three months. I loved my Toyota Celica so much, and losing it that soon was heartbreaking in the moment and the days that followed. Now that I’ve had some time to really sit with what happened, I’ve accepted it and I know that some things just aren’t meant to last.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and considering how lucky I am to be alive and physically unharmed by this accident, I believe that there was a huge lesson in this unfortunate situation for me as a new driver. I can own up to the fact that this accident was entirely my own fault, and because of that I know I will be a much more cautious driver from now on. As much as I miss my car, I know it can be replaced, but my life can’t.

Along with taking the gift of life and health more seriously, I’ve really been thinking about the fragility of life and my place in this world. Near-death experiences have a way of showing us just how important certain things are in our lives. This life is short and fleeting, which is why we have to make the most of everything we possibly can; we have to make our lives count for something. That said, it’s scary thinking that you are meant to do something important or great with your life because when your dreams and goals are so big, it is infinitely easier to fail. It’s easy to wonder and imagine what your future might be, but it’s another thing to actively do something to make this a reality.

This is just another part of growing up and being an adult. We have to know that somethings are out of our control, sometimes we make mistakes, and when bad things happen we need to be able to forgive ourselves. I believe that everyone’s life has a path, but it is hardly ever a straight path. Even though loss is a natural part of life, the fact that nothing can last forever is never an easy lesson to learn. Life is messy and full of heartache, but getting through the hard parts is what makes us strong, and that strength allows us to keep going, to push on, and do what needs to be done to make this life all it can be.

Do Not Worry

Because life after college can often hold uncertainty for most of us, it’s hard not to worry about where we will be employed in the future, or how we will make our money and how much, or who we will spend our time with down the road. Although we know worrying cannot solve anything, it is a constant burden for us. But that’s just the point. None of us can know the future and what it holds for any one of us. We must live life in the now and accept that the future is beyond our grasp.

Today, I had my first job interview. It went well, but as it’s only preliminary, it didn’t do much in the way of boosting my confidence. When I got home from the long traffic-filled drive to downtown LA and back, I absentmindedly scrolled through my Instagram feed, and came across a Bible verse. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” –Matthew 6:34 This passage was exactly what I needed to hear today. I know a lot of people aren’t religious, but I think this speaks to anyone and everyone who worries about what tomorrow will bring, how they will provide for themselves or their loved ones, and anything else they are unsure of.
  
Call it the universe, or fate, destiny, or God, but I think if I were to ask, most people would say that they believe the future will work itself out, one way or another. Whatever happens in our lives, the earth will still turn and life will go on, no matter what events or choices present themselves in the process or how much we worry about them. In the midst of worrying though, it’s hard to remember that tomorrow will take care of itself. Because I have my faith, I can rely on God to provide for me, even if it’s not in the way I expect. I know not everyone has that same belief, but it’s better to have faith in something than spend my time worrying about the things I can’t possibly know.
  
Today, I needed to be reminded to take a breath and let tomorrow be tomorrow. Of course, I do want to do my part in taking the right steps towards my future, but in the end nothing is up to me. My life has a path, and I cannot know where it will lead or what is along the road, but I know that it can’t ever stop. Life is inevitable, we might as well live it to the fullest in the present. So if you’re troubled about what your future will be, don’t because tomorrow will take care of itself and each day has enough trouble of it’s own.