Nothing Gold Can Stay

I’ve learned recently that nothing can last forever, and unfortunately I had to learn this the hard way. About two weeks ago, I crashed my first car on the 118 coming home from work. Luckily I was the only one involved in the accident and even luckier, after spinning out from one side of the freeway to the other and hitting the railing, I was unharmed. My car however did not have the same luck; it was totaled.

After assessing that I was alright, I forgot for a little bit to be grateful for my health and was just devastated by the loss of my first car. Now I know that everyone has to lose their first car at some point, but I never thought mine would be after only three months. I loved my Toyota Celica so much, and losing it that soon was heartbreaking in the moment and the days that followed. Now that I’ve had some time to really sit with what happened, I’ve accepted it and I know that some things just aren’t meant to last.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and considering how lucky I am to be alive and physically unharmed by this accident, I believe that there was a huge lesson in this unfortunate situation for me as a new driver. I can own up to the fact that this accident was entirely my own fault, and because of that I know I will be a much more cautious driver from now on. As much as I miss my car, I know it can be replaced, but my life can’t.

Along with taking the gift of life and health more seriously, I’ve really been thinking about the fragility of life and my place in this world. Near-death experiences have a way of showing us just how important certain things are in our lives. This life is short and fleeting, which is why we have to make the most of everything we possibly can; we have to make our lives count for something. That said, it’s scary thinking that you are meant to do something important or great with your life because when your dreams and goals are so big, it is infinitely easier to fail. It’s easy to wonder and imagine what your future might be, but it’s another thing to actively do something to make this a reality.

This is just another part of growing up and being an adult. We have to know that somethings are out of our control, sometimes we make mistakes, and when bad things happen we need to be able to forgive ourselves. I believe that everyone’s life has a path, but it is hardly ever a straight path. Even though loss is a natural part of life, the fact that nothing can last forever is never an easy lesson to learn. Life is messy and full of heartache, but getting through the hard parts is what makes us strong, and that strength allows us to keep going, to push on, and do what needs to be done to make this life all it can be.

Do Not Worry

Because life after college can often hold uncertainty for most of us, it’s hard not to worry about where we will be employed in the future, or how we will make our money and how much, or who we will spend our time with down the road. Although we know worrying cannot solve anything, it is a constant burden for us. But that’s just the point. None of us can know the future and what it holds for any one of us. We must live life in the now and accept that the future is beyond our grasp.

Today, I had my first job interview. It went well, but as it’s only preliminary, it didn’t do much in the way of boosting my confidence. When I got home from the long traffic-filled drive to downtown LA and back, I absentmindedly scrolled through my Instagram feed, and came across a Bible verse. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” –Matthew 6:34 This passage was exactly what I needed to hear today. I know a lot of people aren’t religious, but I think this speaks to anyone and everyone who worries about what tomorrow will bring, how they will provide for themselves or their loved ones, and anything else they are unsure of.
  
Call it the universe, or fate, destiny, or God, but I think if I were to ask, most people would say that they believe the future will work itself out, one way or another. Whatever happens in our lives, the earth will still turn and life will go on, no matter what events or choices present themselves in the process or how much we worry about them. In the midst of worrying though, it’s hard to remember that tomorrow will take care of itself. Because I have my faith, I can rely on God to provide for me, even if it’s not in the way I expect. I know not everyone has that same belief, but it’s better to have faith in something than spend my time worrying about the things I can’t possibly know.
  
Today, I needed to be reminded to take a breath and let tomorrow be tomorrow. Of course, I do want to do my part in taking the right steps towards my future, but in the end nothing is up to me. My life has a path, and I cannot know where it will lead or what is along the road, but I know that it can’t ever stop. Life is inevitable, we might as well live it to the fullest in the present. So if you’re troubled about what your future will be, don’t because tomorrow will take care of itself and each day has enough trouble of it’s own.

A Growing Journey

One thing that can happen when transitioning into full on adulthood is really learning who you are as a person. When you were a teenager, maybe you were beginning to see who you were. In college, you got to see yourself as an independent person while you had no curfew, partied whenever you wanted, skipped a few classes, became a feminist and a democrat, and maybe experimented with all sorts of things from drugs, to sex, to deciding if you wanted to go Greek.  And when all the chaos of being on your own starts to settle in, that is when who you were always meant to be starts to develop. As time goes by, you grow out of those experiments and learn to narrow down what exactly it is you want from life and what you are going to do in order to make it happen.

    I could keep going with the list of what happens mentally as we progress in our lives, but I can’t go much further into the future because this is about where I’m at. I’ve learned so much about myself through the process of growing up in all stages and I know I have much more to do. The prospect of growing even deeper into who I am supposed to be absolutely thrills me. However, there are always fears that I won’t live up to who I want my future self to be. Then again, this is a price we pay for growing up. There is no fast forward or rewind, as we all wish there were. But wouldn’t it be a fantastic discovery if we learned how to replay our greatest hits in life whenever we wanted? Since this hasn’t been discovered yet, we as mere mortals must always live in the present, never able to return to the past and never really certain of what the future might hold for us.

    The truth is, I’m not where I want to be in life yet, but wanting everything to be here now is just a side-effect of being young. I want to be able to skip ahead to all the good stuff, but I know I need to remember to enjoy all the little things and the good things I have now. For instance, I’d say getting my first car this week was a step in the right direction. I am so in love with it and it is just one step closer to the rest of my life. Although there are bigger goals in my mind’s eye, those are for another day and today has its own agenda. There is still so much of myself I have yet to discover, and as I continue the process of being an adult, I have to remember that the journey makes the destination, not the other way around.